When we just want them to tell us what to do.
One lonely night in July the summer after my husband died, I distinctly remember standing in the middle of a dark street sobbing and begging him to show up, somehow, some way. I needed my voice of reason. I continually asked for dreams, for signs, for anything to help me make the smallest decisions.
After someone dies, we tend to find ourselves asking them the same things over and over as we figure out our path forward:
“Can you give me a sign if I’m doing this right?”
“Please just tell me what to do.”
In those first few months (or years) of grief, your confidence evaporates (and I've talked about that), so you feel even more confused. That creates even more perceived silence. You feel like you’ve lost your anchor and your compass at the same time, and you just want an answer.
Here’s the truth I’ve learned from years of being a widow and a medium: Your loved one doesn’t want you stuck in the loop of “what would they want?” This is our life, not theirs, and we are not here to simply finish their to-do list.
They don’t truly don't have an opinion beyond what will serve us best. They want us to live the life full of abundance on our own terms. They’re not here to steer the ship, but they are here to support our journey and help us build our confidence.
How do we find the balance?
Ask for their support - not their control. Light a candle. Say their name. Say, “Please be here with me, but I know this choice is mine.” Ask for peace in your heart, not a detailed spreadsheet from beyond.
Rebuild your confidence with small choices. Not everything has to be a big, soul-shifting decision. Pick something tiny today and trust your gut. That’s where they show up, too.
Remember: their love isn’t conditional. They don’t love you if you follow the right path. They love you because you’re YOU. That’s enough.
If you ever feel stuck in that loop of asking, asking, asking - come sit with me. Sometimes we just need a little reminder that the voice we’re looking for might already be inside us.
You can book a reading here.
You’re not alone, and you do know what you’re doing. Don’t ever forget that.