Why switching from anger to curiosity changed my life.

For many, MANY years, I would get angry when people dismissed me. My brother-in-law would mutter “respect ma authoritah”, whenever I was on a tear about how well, in the wise words of Cartman from South Park, people should “respect ma authoritah”. I took it personally when I was dismissed because I thought it meant that they didn’t believe in me or that they thought I was dumb. I was in fearful that maybe they were right, maybe I didn’t know what I was doing. Maybe I was a fraud.

The anger got worse after my husband died, and not in a “stages of grief” kind of way (which as we know, don’t actually exist).

That anger was a shield, a form of protection from my deep emotional pain and fear. One day I thought, what if I change that anger to curiosity? It took a very deliberate thought pattern change, but once I did it, good things started happening.

This simple yet powerful shift from anger to curiosity can transform how we navigate our emotions. Anger is natural, but when unchecked, it tends to narrow our focus, keeping us trapped in a loop of frustration and blame. Curiosity, on the other hand, opens doors.

When we choose curiosity over anger, we allow ourselves to explore the reasons behind our emotional reactions. What am I really feeling? What am I afraid of? What’s beneath this anger? These questions offer a path toward deeper self-awareness, and, ultimately, emotional freedom.

We often feel justified in our anger—it’s a strong, immediate response to something we perceive as unjust or threatening. But anger is a surface emotion. Underneath it, there's often sadness, disappointment, fear, or even helplessness. When we pause and get curious, we can dig below that surface and understand what's truly going on. Curiosity invites us to soften our defenses and engage with our emotions in a more meaningful way.

This shift is not about ignoring anger or pretending it doesn’t exist. Instead, it's about acknowledging that emotion and then asking, “What else is here?” Curiosity creates space for compassion—both for ourselves and for others. It helps us step back from reactive thinking and allows us to engage with our emotions more thoughtfully.

Embracing curiosity over anger helps us break patterns of emotional escalation. When we respond with curiosity, we’re no longer reacting on autopilot. Instead of getting lost in the intensity of the moment, we can explore what’s behind the anger and ask ourselves, "What do I need right now?" or "How can I approach this situation differently?"

This process fosters emotional resilience. Instead of letting anger control us, we reclaim control over our emotional landscape. We become more adaptable, more flexible, and, ultimately, more at peace with our feelings.

Choosing curiosity is not always easy—it requires patience, awareness, and a willingness to be vulnerable. But over time, it becomes a practice that can lead to profound emotional growth. It allows us to turn a moment of frustration into an opportunity for understanding and connection, both with ourselves and with others.

In this way, curiosity becomes a tool for healing, helping us move through anger with greater awareness and grace.