4 Steps to Getting Out of the Self-Judgement Spiral
99% of everything I write is about removing self-judgment from our lives. Whether that is removing it from the grieving process (I should be farther along), from our sense of inner knowing (did I really know that), from our chronic health journeys (this pain is just in my head), or from any other aspect of our lives, removing self-judgement is key to moving forward.
I can write about removing self-judgement all I want, but until I offer actionable steps, we will continue to get mentally stuck judging ourselves for, wait for it, judging ourselves.
I thought back to my own journey trying to break the self-judgement cycle and came up with four ways to break free from the habit of constantly judging ourselves:
1. Practice Mindfulness and Self-Awareness: Cultivating mindfulness involves paying non-judgmental attention to the present moment. How do we do this? Start by observing your thoughts without attaching judgments to them. Develop self-awareness by recognizing when self-judgment arises. Mindfulness allows you to step back from negative thoughts, creating space for more objective and compassionate perspectives. I try to write them down in a small notebook.
2. Challenge Negative Thoughts: Actively challenge and reframe negative self-talk. When you catch yourself making harsh judgments, ask if these thoughts are based on facts or distorted perceptions. Replace negative statements with more balanced and constructive affirmations. By consciously challenging and changing negative thought patterns, you can shift towards a more positive and self-affirming mindset.
3. Cultivate Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer to a friend facing challenges. Understand that imperfections are part of the human experience. Develop self-compassion by acknowledging your struggles without harsh judgment.
4. Set Realistic Standards: Reevaluate the standards and expectations you set for yourself. Aim for realistic and achievable goals, recognizing that perfection is unattainable. Embrace the learning process and understand that mistakes are opportunities for growth. Adjusting your standards can reduce the likelihood of self-judgment while promoting a healthier approach to personal development.
Number four has been particularly helpful for my health issues over the past two years. Last year I was using a cane, and this year I am finally signed up for Livestrong (a fitness program for cancer survivors). In-between I tried to start running again, as if I wasn’t ever sick. Instead of getting healthier, I became severely depressed because I wasn’t reaching my running goals, and honestly, I was just hurting myself more. I had to come to terms with the fact that my goals have to be smaller at this point, health wise, but I will get to where I want to be!
Remember that breaking free from self-judgment is a gradual process - and that there is no perfect way to work towards more self-compassion.
Progress, not perfection should probably be my new tattoo, if I had any. 😉
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