5 Ways to Learn to Love Yourself After Loss
5 Ways to Learn to Love Yourself After Loss
Grief and Self Esteem - a weird, weird relationship.
{I interrupt your reading to let you know I am offering a short and sweet deal on, well, readings! A different kind… Buy 1/Get or Gift 1 ends Sunday, March 5th. You can check out more info here: Mediumship}
Now on with the show!
Quite honestly it took years for me to really like myself after my husband passed away. After he passed away I judged myself in a 1000 different ways, from questioning my decision to just close down the guide service, if I started dating too soon, my weight loss, if I kept his truck too long, how I handled social media, my family, his family, our dogs, my photography business, ALL.OF.IT.
Turns out I am not alone. We all do this in grief, in many different ways.
Here are just a few ways losing a loved one can affect our self-esteem:
Guilt: Feeling like we did something wrong or wishing we had done things differently during our relationship, or at the end, can make us feel like a bad person. We judge ourselves, our decisions, what we could have done differently, faster, slower, etc. Name it, we can judge it.
Identity: Losing someone can make us feel lost and unsure of who we are without them. Dreams are lost, income can be lost, who we are (wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend) in relation to them makes us feel lost.
Support: Losing someone who provided us with love and validation can make us feel lonely and isolated. Our gossip partner or our biggest cheerleader is gone. We need them! (and this actually one of my favorite things to talk about in my readings! They are still cheering us on.)
Body image: Grief can cause changes in our bodies, such as weight loss or gain, which can affect how we feel about ourselves. Our hair falls out. We feel exhausted, and look like it. OR we look great on the outside, but feel like hell inside.
Daily life: Struggling to get through the day, such as getting out of bed or going to work, can make us feel like we’re not capable. Add the fact that loss can give us the same symptoms as a head injury, and we can start to think we are losing our minds.
Even if you are exhausted, try these strategies to raise your self-esteem:
Practice self-compassion: Be kind and understanding towards yourself. Grief can be a challenging and emotional experience, so it's important to give yourself space to feel and process your emotions. Give yourself grace.
Practice self-care: Take care of yourself physically and emotionally. This can involve things like getting enough sleep, exercising regularly, eating well, and engaging in activities that you enjoy. Get a facial. Paint something. Go for a walk. Take a shower.
Set small goals: Setting small goals and working towards them can help you feel a sense of accomplishment and boost your self-esteem. This could be as simple as going for a short walk or making a phone call to a friend.
Seek professional help: Consider talking to a therapist or counselor who specializes in grief and loss. They can provide you with additional support and guidance as you navigate the grieving process.
Repeat this mantra to yourself when you feel stuck: Time.Grace.Space. If you are chronic perfectionist, or even if you are not, this is the key to it all! We will judge ourselves all the time, but with grief there is no perfect path. Ever. We will continue to berate ourselves for every decision until we give ourselves some grace. A decade later, I still work on this. Be kind to yourself.
Remember that healing from grief is a gradual process, and it's important to be patient and gentle with yourself as you work through it, and as you rebuild your self esteem. And, as always,
Give yourself Time, Grace, & Space. (Now you know where I got my business name from. I had to learn this myself!)
We are not alone, even though it truly feels like it some days. ❤️