Self-Compassion and Healing: Why Grieving Non-Death Losses Matters
Grief (and its frameworks) applies to anything you have “lost” in life, not just a death related loss. Sometimes I think we dismiss our feelings of grief over these types of losses because we don’t think they’re “bad enough” to really be grief. If you’ve learned anything from me, though, it’s that dismissing our feelings or being self-judgmental about our grief can actually make us sick!
Recently, I sat down with Wanido on LinkedIn and we touched on this subject, but I want to expand on this.
Some non-death losses that we need to let ourselves grieve:
✔️ Job: Losing a job is a significant loss. It can impact your identity, financial security, and sense of purpose. You might experience similar emotions to those felt during bereavement, like sadness, anger, and a sense of emptiness. This is normal. If you feel this way, let yourself. Don’t shove it down. The sooner you address those feelings, the sooner you will feel better.
✔️ Quality of Life: A decline in health, chronic illness, or disability - for yourself OR a loved one - can lead to a loss of the life you once knew. You might grieve the activities you can no longer do, your independence, or the future you envisioned. When I was getting progressively sicker after my breast cancer treatment, I had to grieve not being able to run. Running was a core part of my personality, and it was not there anymore!
✔️ Dreams: Sometimes life throws us curveballs, and we have to let go of dreams we've held for a long time. This can be due to circumstances, choices, or simply the way life unfolds. There can be a grieving process for the future you once imagined. Like I said above, let yourself grieve those dreams. You’ll be much healthier in the long run, which opens the door to re-imagining those dreams.
✔️ Financial Security: A financial setback, losing a home, or a change in economic circumstances can trigger feelings of grief. You might grieve the stability and security you once had and worry about the future.
When we practice self-compassion and let ourselves grieve without self-judgement, we reduce the inflammation that comes from the shame associated with self-judgement. So, it’s not only okay to grieve non death related losses, but it’s also healthy!
Remember, grief is a personal journey, and there's no right or wrong way to experience it. There is only YOUR way. The most important thing is to acknowledge your feelings and allow yourself to process the loss.
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I’ll be talking about this and more on Thursday, April 18th at 7:30PM on PBS Milwaukee! If you can’t tune in, here is a short clip. I’ll post the longer one as soon as it’s available. (also sorry for the random code. There’s a ghost in the machine 😂)
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